I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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