Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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