can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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