Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
