apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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