lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
