This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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