a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
