Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
