Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i believe in u and ur pee
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
