i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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