Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
