She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
