About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
