u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
