I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
