she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
