I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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