In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
