So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
