I'm so fucking centered right now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
