dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
