I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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