I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
not ubering you a puppy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
