Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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