the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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