My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
