So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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