Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
