Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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