mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
