That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
