She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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