i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
