Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
