did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
