Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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