Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
