dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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