the condom got lost in my hair
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
