Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
