Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
