I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
