he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
