So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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