hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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