FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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