i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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