I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
