His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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