what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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