He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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