I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who died my cat blue again?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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