She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
