I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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