Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome