Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?

(301): View more from Maryland

Nowhere

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(410): I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life? (301): Nowhere http://tfl.nu/ayl7

Replies (25) Good night (1119) Bad night (2624)
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(757): View more from Virginia

he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

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(757): he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so. http://tfl.nu/ifvf

Replies (42) Good night (7607) Bad night (767)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Let me guess--your parents are cousins.

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(337): Let me guess--your parents are cousins. http://tfl.nu/a2p5

Replies (22) Good night (1022) Bad night (4991)
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(509): View more from Washington

def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

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(509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a

Replies (5) Good night (4266) Bad night (1136)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

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(847): I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet http://tfl.nu/ttdp

Replies (41) Good night (5584) Bad night (1694)
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(330): View more from Ohio

The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

(1-330): View more from Ohio

Well it worked

(330): View more from Ohio

Not the point

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(330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7

Replies (21) Good night (6238) Bad night (1141)
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(917): View more from New York City

I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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(917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d

Replies (20) Good night (7801) Bad night (2005)
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(562): View more from California

I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

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(562): I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible. http://tfl.nu/uxem

Replies (11) Good night (5624) Bad night (1151)
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(813): View more from Florida

I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious

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(813): I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious http://tfl.nu/g6os

Replies (3) Good night (1721) Bad night (817)
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(210): View more from Texas

Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

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(210): Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT. http://tfl.nu/29iu

Replies (17) Good night (4447) Bad night (1070)
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(909): View more from California

Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.

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(909): Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know. http://tfl.nu/19n8

Replies (20) Good night (1046) Bad night (1585)
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(708): View more from Illinois

You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.

(1-708): View more from Illinois

Was who let the dogs out playing?

(708): View more from Illinois

Ya. You started barking when it ended

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(708): You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving. (1-708): Was who let the dogs out playing? (708): Ya. You started barking when it ended http://tfl.nu/fyl8

Replies (4) Good night (2038) Bad night (581)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity

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(423): Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity http://tfl.nu/dliq

Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (792)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.

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(248): I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time. http://tfl.nu/ekvp

Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (213)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.

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(320): I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber. http://tfl.nu/s2ek

Replies (4) Good night (422) Bad night (259)

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