someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.