Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
either way he was missing a nipple.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
