He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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