Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.

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  (978): Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success. http://tfl.nu/7k1i
  Replies (12) Good night (2451) Bad night (994)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.

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  (636): I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks. http://tfl.nu/gzvr
  Replies (40) Good night (1180) Bad night (4571)
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  (077): View more from

  it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner

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  (077): it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner http://tfl.nu/m2q7
  Replies (28) Good night (688) Bad night (4246)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

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  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (5333) Bad night (1859)
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  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3271) Bad night (1183)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.

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  (705): Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over. http://tfl.nu/0oyy
  Replies (5) Good night (2211) Bad night (895)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm trying to make a sex playlist

  (916): View more from California

  record yourself crying and put it on a loop.

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  (510): I'm trying to make a sex playlist (916): record yourself crying and put it on a loop. http://tfl.nu/f4y5
  Replies (12) Good night (3426) Bad night (1377)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

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  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
  Replies (8) Good night (3678) Bad night (1022)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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  (484): i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen. http://tfl.nu/hdza
  Replies (16) Good night (4099) Bad night (986)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous

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  (610): I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous http://tfl.nu/uqnx
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (1195)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.

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  (518): Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird. http://tfl.nu/4vio
  Replies (1) Good night (1360) Bad night (478)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying

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  (401): you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying http://tfl.nu/yu84
  Replies (5) Good night (1556) Bad night (561)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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  (906): too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious http://tfl.nu/wso0
  Replies (7) Good night (1109) Bad night (452)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.

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  (702): We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly. http://tfl.nu/ykqa
  Replies (0) Good night (561) Bad night (329)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups

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  (216): facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups http://tfl.nu/n2ou
  Replies (0) Good night (351) Bad night (653)

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