I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
