just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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