thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
