And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
