So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize