Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
