Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
