i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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