goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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