I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
