im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
