Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
