White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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