Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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