she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
