can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
