He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
