mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
