i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
