genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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