as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
