its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
