So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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