I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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